Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Yesterday, I worked from 11:00am-5:30pm with an hour lunch, so I worked a total of 5.5 hours. Amadeo and Dawn had already laid the tile in the kitchen on Sunday. Amadeo replaced the vent pipe in the bathroom, hooked up the light switch in the bathroom, and began on the sheet rock.

Today, I met with Lavondra at 10:45am to give her the letter from mom. She said she would get the Salvation Army letter, the Exodus House letter, and that needs the letter from Amadeo by Friday or Monday. I didn't work today because I was very tired and slept all day. I got a call from Amadeo, but I was too depressed to return his call :( Later, though, I managed to get up and do my laundry. I need to take a shower tonight, since I haven't taken a shower in a few days.

Michelle invited me to a wildlife tour on Saturday. I think I will go.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

COH: $121.00

EBT: $137.01

Phone: 75.00

Visa: $0.93

Laundry: $2.00

Weather: 83°F cloudy, rainy

Mood: ok

Weight: 283 lbs.

I missed work again today, because I overslept. I was weak, tired, and could not pull myself out of bed. I don't know what's wrong other than maybe depressive symptoms. Anyway, I got up at 2:30pm and started my routine. I took the birds outside when Amadeo came home. He asked why I wasn't at work and we talked about it. He was disappointed, but wanted to know what set me off track and wanted me to do better tomorrow. I think I have too much on my plate.I might have to stop going to MTG on Wednesday nights and play on the weekend instead. I have more time then, and I won't have to worry about messing up my weekday schedule. I know Anya or others would say it is a bad idea because it is my only regular social outing, but I think it is for the best. I didn't even get home late last night, either. I stopped playing at about 9:00p and left at about 9:15. I was home for 9:40 and in bed for 10:00. Anyway, my work schedule is too much for me to squeeze in MTG. I don't even like going anymore. I am still willing to play on weekends, but by now the Wednesday night thing is too much for me to handle.  

I am chatting with Dyanis now while posting my blog, verifying my Safelink account, and looking for jobs on Craigslist.

Friday, May 17, 2013

COH: $69.37

EBT: $134.24

Phone: 135.40

Visa: $1.97

Laundry: $10.00

Weather: 81•F sunny

Mood: frustrated with myself

Weight: 278 lbs.

I am frustrated with myself. I am sleeping 12-14 hours a day and keep missing work, even when I go to bed early. I wake up and I still feel tired, have a lack of energy, and can do very little physical work.

I do not want to be like this. I do not want to miss work. I feel like I am letting everybody down, but I don't mean to. For some reason, this is the best I can do right now. I am not making this up, faking it, or exaggerating. This is a very real thing.

This has got to be because of depression. I am taking my meds as usual, but I think something is missing since I got off Abilify. On that, I was basically manic where I couldn't sit still for more than a second, but now I am the other extreme: depressive with low energy level and low functioning.

Anya said I should not have to choose between those extremes, and that there should be a middle ground somehow. Dr. Calhoun said I could get on a lower dose of Abilify, but I would need to talk to him again first. Anya wants me to be on something else that has the benefits of Abilify minus the side effects such as restlessness. Unfortunately, I don't know if such a drug exists. I just want to find resolution with this. Maybe I could even take half a pill of Abilify every other day, but I still have to get in touch with the doctor and clear it with him first. 

On the bright side, I got up and got some chores done today, including washing the white clothes and towels.