COH: $69.37
EBT: $134.24
Phone: 135.40
Visa: $1.97
Laundry: $10.00
Weather: 81•F sunny
Mood: frustrated with myself
Weight: 278 lbs.
I am frustrated with myself. I am sleeping 12-14 hours a day and keep missing work, even when I go to bed early. I wake up and I still feel tired, have a lack of energy, and can do very little physical work.
I do not want to be like this. I do not want to miss work. I feel like I am letting everybody down, but I don't mean to. For some reason, this is the best I can do right now. I am not making this up, faking it, or exaggerating. This is a very real thing.
This has got to be because of depression. I am taking my meds as usual, but I think something is missing since I got off Abilify. On that, I was basically manic where I couldn't sit still for more than a second, but now I am the other extreme: depressive with low energy level and low functioning.
Anya said I should not have to choose between those extremes, and that there should be a middle ground somehow. Dr. Calhoun said I could get on a lower dose of Abilify, but I would need to talk to him again first. Anya wants me to be on something else that has the benefits of Abilify minus the side effects such as restlessness. Unfortunately, I don't know if such a drug exists. I just want to find resolution with this. Maybe I could even take half a pill of Abilify every other day, but I still have to get in touch with the doctor and clear it with him first.
On the bright side, I got up and got some chores done today, including washing the white clothes and towels.
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