COH: $1.36
EBT: $137.14
Phone: 158.20
Visa: $0.62
Laundry: $1.25
Weather: 66•F sunny
Mood: pretty good :)
Earlier today was rough. I didn't get enough sleep last night because there was a movie on until about 2:00am. I didn't eat breakfast because I didn't go to the grocery store yet.
My care insurance was cancelled, and Amadeo tried to call Farm Bureau and see what he could do about it. At around 11:40am, he called and wanted me to go to the DMV to see about any fees or suspensions on my driver's license. I didn't have a ride to go there, so he got Justin Mills to pick me up with my bike and I would ride back.
Justin got here early, so I wasn't ready yet. I told him I would be a few minutes, and moved with purpose to get ready. We went outside, and I went to put my bike in the back of his truck. I slipped and busted my left shin trying to do so. The noise of traffic and construction right across the street was very nerve wracking for me.
We get in the truck, and Justin starts driving. I begin to have a sharp pain in my ears to to the foam earplugs pressure on my mandibular (jaw) joints. It got worse until I am in excruciating pain, and can hardly do anything except breathe and try to endure the pain.
Amadeo calls Justin, and asks to speak to me. At this point, I was in so much pain, I could not think clearly or talk, so I told Justin I was in a lot of pain and asked for Amadeo to call back later. He agrees. Meanwhile, I am tired and going hungry, and have the stress of this car insurance/license/ticket basket case that I have not thought about in a long time so I could keep my sanity. There's nothing I can do about it now, so why work myself up for nothing?
Anyway, all of this stress and pressure builds up, and I start hyperventilating. It gets worse and worse until my blood begins to feel like sand in my veins. It keeps getting worse and worse until I start crying out in agony, and start screaming occasionally just because I couldn't bear the pain any longer.
At times, I opened my eyes, but with all the other stress and distractions, the rough ride just added to my stress, so I closed them right after. This happened several times. I then began convulsing and Justin told me to calm down. However, the stress was too much for me, and I couldn't. I was having an autistic meltdown. I nearly blacked out completely. I continued to convulse, but Justin stayed quiet and kept driving.
By the time we got to the DMV, I was shook up worse than I had ever been before. It was like the time I had a meltdown at the drug testing center before getting a job at the Lafayette Grand 16 Theater in 2005, expect much worse. The nurses had to tranquilize me by opening a couple packets of gas in my face that made me calm down, and put me in a chair sipping a Dr. Pepper through a straw. This time though, I didn't have the luxury of getting tranquilized this time, so I continued to suffer.
At this point, Justin was trying to calm me down, but I had already lost control of myself. Frustrated with my own limitations, and embarrassed that this was happening in front of Justin, I kept saying how I wish I were dead, and that I can't handle everyday life, so I don't deserve to live. Just replied by saying that's not true and there are people who love me, like Amadeo.
It was hard, but I eventually got to the point where I could explain what happened. I told him what an Autistic meltdown was, and how I was diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder several months ago. He said Amadeo told him about it, so he had at least a little understanding of it. I told him how it was all these different stress factors building up and eventually overcoming me. I explained how it may look very strange and even like a temper tantrum to the untrained eye, but the base motivation is completely different; it is caused from an overload of stress.
I told him that I hadn't eaten anything today, and he offered to go pick me up some food. We talked out the details, he drew me a map of how to get home, and I got my bike out and headed to the DMV. Justin went to pick up some food for me. I told him I he didn't have to, but I was very grateful that he did.
I went inside, and the lady at the desk told me there were no fees, suspensions or barriers of any kind on my driving record. It was weird, because I was expecting there would be a suspension, fees, and tickets on there, but she said there was nothing. She then gave me a number to wait in line to renew my license. I couldn't afford to renew it, but I stayed there and waited my turn to get seen anyway, especially since I just got there after a stressful trip. Amadeo called, and I told him that they couldn't find anything, but we agreed that I should wait in line to talk to someone else just to make sure.
Meanwhile, Justin brought me back a cheeseburger, fries, and soft drink from McDonald's. He made sure I was ok before he left. The food hit the spot just right. I ate outside as not to make a mess indoors, and I kept checking the screen to make sure I didn't miss my turn.
Eventually, I got to see the guy at the counter and he told me the same thing: that he did not see anything remarkable on my driver's license record. I asked if I could have a copy of my driver's license status for my own records, but he couldn't give it to me I'm assuming because he wasn't allowed. Instead, he gave me the phone number and website to where I could get it myself. I then called Amadeo back, told him what happened, and began heading home.
The ride home was not as bad, nor as long as I thought it would be. It was a bit longer than going to the coffee shop, but less far than the house party I went to on Dec 21 of last year. That was in Lakeview. When I get back to Carrollton and Canal, I remember that I needed to go grocery shopping, so I went Rouse's while I was already out and on that side of town. I got my groceries, took them home, put them away, and went to Dollar General for a few more things.
I get home, put away the groceries, and come out to post my daily blog entry. I was feeling much better by then, but I still remember how shook up I was, and felt burnt out from the event. Later, Amadeo and Mills come home and we hang out for a while. I went outside and began finishing this blog post by typing out the body and details of what happened today. I chatted with Dyanis a little but, but she had to go and we plan to chat tomorrow between 1:30-2:30pm.
Despite the rough time I had this morning, the day got better and better, and I can honestly say that it was worth it. I was very stressed for a while, but now I see that even in the worst of times, I can still make it through! :) Not to mention, at least now I know more about what's going on with my car insurance and driver's license, so I don't have to stress about those anymore; at least not for a while.
