Saturday, June 22, 2013

COH: $120.00

EBT: $124.51

Phone: 213.20

Visa: $0.93

Laundry: $8.00

Weather: 86°F sunny

Mood: ok, restless, stressed

Weight: 283 lbs.

I went into work today and sanded part of a door. I was going to sweep up a bunch of rooms, but I could not take it anymore. I was by myself, overwhelmed, and could not bring myself to do any more work. Not wanting to let Mills down and not waste his time, and realizing that I was basically useless today as far as lacking motivation and energy to do the work, I left and told him I quit. 

I later talked to him and told him what happened. He is fine with it and even will let me back if I want to come back. I don't know what is going on with me. I don't feel right in my mind, and it is just weird. I have no patience to do hardly anything anymore, yet I feel like I have to be constantly moving. I think it is the Abilify making me fel this way. It sucks, but I don't want to dive into depression again like the last time I stopped taking it.

Amadeo was not happy, and he felt that without a job, I would fall of track and have a reverse sleep schedule again (up all night, sleep all day). I would like to think that with my new proposed schedule via the contract, I have something to hold onto to keep me on track. I understand his worries, though. I will do my best not to fall of track. Who knows? I might get another job or go back with Mills, but right now, I can't handle the job anymore. 

Not knowing what else to do, I tried calling Sasha to see if she could use a cleaning helper, but she didn't answer. I also called and scheduled an appointment with an Asperger's specialist: Courtney Olds. She was the only one of several that answered my call and called me back. I go tomorrow at 5:00pm and it will cost me $40. I hope it goes well and helps me. I am willing to pay for 3 sessions out of pocket like this, because that's how many the lady said I would need to really get help with my condition. I may even see her in the future if I make more money. Anya is a great therapist, but I feel like I need the specialist for my Asperger's. I told her about the Abilify and she suggested that I get more exercise. I suppose I could walk and ride my bike more to burn off the energy during the day.

The rest of the afternoon, I took the birds outside and washed the dishes. Then, I helped Dawn sweep and mop the floor, and then she started cooking. She went to get a burger at Rally's to hold her over while I watched the cooking pot for her. When they got back, I came here to post the blog and get directions to my appointment tomorrow, The rest of the night, I will bring my birds in and get ready for bed so I can stay on track.