COH: $40.64
EBT: $110.99
Phone: 263.20
Visa: $1.97
Laundry: $10.00
Weather: 84•F sunny and cloudy
Mood: depressed
Weight: 274 lbs.
By now, I can surely say that I am depressed. I took Abilify this morning hoping it would help, because I am tired of feeling this way.
I lack energy, drive, motivation, and focus to do anything these days, not just work. I move like a zombie and feel like I have a ball and chain tied around my ankle. To do anything requires all of what little effort I can put forth, and at best I am as slow as trying to run underwater. I feel tired and down all the time and I hate it.
I am going to see the doctor as soon as he can squeeze me in his schedule, but that could take weeks. In the meantime, I feel useless and frustrated because I am letting everybody down (Mills, Amadeo), but I don't mean to. This is something beyond my control for the most part.
Feeling like it's better late than never, I went into work from 3:45 to 5:45 today. I scraped paint off of doors, and swept.
I need more help than can be given to me at this time. Outside of therapy and seeing my case worker, I feel like a turtle on its back; all on my own and helpless no matter what I do. It feels like I am going to be stuck like this forever, only getting worse and not better.
All I can do for now is try my best to stay on track, keep taking Abilify, and wait to see my therapist, doctor, and case worker again.
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